Dear Guidance Guy,
My 4th grade son is having trouble adjusting this year to his teacher. He tells me that his teacher is boring, and speaks in a monotone so my son hastrouble staying tuned in. My son has been placed in the academically gifted program which pulls him out of his normal class where the boring teacher is,but only a few hours a week. Most of the time, he has the monotone man.

I am a substitute teacher, not for my son's grade but for high school level. I'd like to address this in two weeks with our parent-teacher conference, but frankly I am at a loss of how to tell a teacher he's boring my son to tears. Any advice?

Thank you,
Mother of A Bored Son

*****

Dear Mother,

You could fall asleep in the middle of your conference with him - that might be a clue!

Seriously, we have two different things to look at. There's going to be very little you can
do to change this man's teaching style, especially if he's a veteran. If there is something
you can tell him about how your son learns best, such as through auditory (hearing) or visual
(seeing) it might inspire him to be a little more outgoing in his teaching style. Even better,
if your son is a strong sensory-motor learner (touch) you can ask that some of this be integrated
into the way he teaches.

Again, be ready for the teacher to not know how to respond.

The second thing to consider is how to talk with your son about his teacher. Let's assume that
there isn't much that's going to change about this man's style. Do you feel like your son is
learning what he needs to learn this year? If you know what the basic curriculum is (and since
you have some teaching experience of your own), how about livening things up with some
home lessons? Might be fun!

Hope that helps a little. Congratulations on being an involved, proactive parent.

The Guidance Guy

Dear Larry,

My son's social studies teacher has been grading his work very harshly with little written comments on them, except usually a "?". She rated a homework assignment a "1" out of a possible "5". When he approached her desk as class was dismissed, he asked why he was rated a one. She took offense to this and yelled at him. She called me and said he had raised his voice, slammed his hands on the desk, and ripped the paper out of her hands. I explained to her that what she described did not sound like my son at all.

A short time later, my son called from the school asking that I come get him. He said he had a headache and stomach ache and that he had had a problem at school. When I picked him up he was in tears. He said he never raised his voice, never slammed his hands, and never grabbed the paper. He gave me names of some students that witnessed him at her desk and all said that he was not yelling, never slammed the desk, and did not rip the paper from the teachers hands.

I left a message with the teacher to call me. She not only returned my call, but it was a conference call with all of my son's teachers. They use a team system at this school so teachers and students have color coded teams. I was treated with complete disrespect, I was told to refer to the teacher as Ms. and not just her last name. I had referred to her as "Ms."!! They even hung up on me.

My son is a A and B student. He has never been a discipline problem and has never even been in trouble once. I have never seen him lose his temper. I have never seen him slam anything. He has been selected by the school in the past as a sort of peer tutor with new students. I am at a loss. All the other teachers on the team say he has never been a problem and never disrespectful to them yet they believe this teachers' account. She is a new teacher to the town but she said this is her 5th year teaching. My husband and I are meeting with the "team" next week.

Also, on the day this happened, they told my son it was mandatory for him to attend their daily team meeting. He went and they accused him of yelling etc, and he interrupted them because it wasn't true. They told him he was being disrespectful for interrupting and force him to apologize to the teacher he had supposedly "approached inappropriately" at her desk. No one called me about this meeting.

I am not a "not my kid" mother. I have 2 other sons in college so I know kids do the wrong thing sometimes but my son vehemently denies these accusations. The children that witnessed this are not close friends. He wasn't even sure of one of their last names yet they say he did not do any of the things this teacher accuses him of. Please offer some advice.

Sincerely,
At A Loss

*****
Dear At A Loss,
Seems like there's a lot of emotion wrapped up in this, and if everything is exactly the way you describe it, there's a couple of things that just don't add up.

The first thing I would start with is to ask an administrator to be present, or at least be aware of the meeting. These situations are normally handled at the teacher/student/parent level, but this is fast becoming an unusual situation. I also suggest bring some of the homework from this teacher to the meeting. It's best that everyone knows about his work history, especially if what's happening now doesn't match with what he's done in the past.

It is very important that you know what you (and your son) want from this team of teachers that you aren't getting. It's also important to know what they want that they feel they aren'tgetting as well. If there is one thing I would encourage you to do, it is to LISTEN. Let them go first and say what they want to say. It's important that you don't interrupt and let them be heard all the way. Ask questions about what they tell you, not in a challenging tone, but to get their version of what's happening. Take notes, and ask each teacher on the team for an update. If either of you hear something you don't agree with, breathe slowly and deeply and keep listening!

Once it's you and your child's turn to speak, the teachers will be obligated to give you the same
courtesy you gave them. This is why it is so important for you to listening when they speak. If they do not give you the same consideration, you'll have a good idea that your son was telling you the truth and you'll have an easier time taking to the next step. If an administrator is in the room he or she will see it as well.

But this all leads back to the next step. What is it you want? Is it for this teacher to treat your
child differently, or for the grading to be looked at again? You and your son should decide on
some specific things you'd like to see change. Then bring these requests to the meeting. Make
sure you have things you are willing to give in return (if the teachers say they want respect it will be simple since your son is already giving it!).

And again, if things fall apart in the team meeting, figure out what the next step is. Whatever it is, facts are more powerful than anger. Perhaps your son's teachers may need to learn that same lesson.

Good Luck,
Larry

*****

What do you think? Agree? Disagree? Blog in by adding your comments to this post, or email me directly at LarryHochman@SBCGlobal.net and let us know.

*****

Have questions of your own? Write in to LarryHochman@SBCGlobal.net and let your voice be heard!

STRAIGHT TALK ON HIGHLY SELECTIVE COLLEGES
By Larry Hochman, The Guidance Guy
Get the WHOLE story: http://www.lulu.com/content/139744


An important question: how important is it to get into a really competitive school?


Depends on lots of different things...


*What kind of career path are you looking at?

*What kind of people would you like to attend school with?

*How much are you willing to pay (or play the financial aid game) for the privilege of going to a really competitive school?


There are many good reasons for seeking out schools whose admission standard is more competitive than others.


And there are two common reasons for doing so...one we usually talk about and one we don't.


One we talk about: so I can get a good job after I graduate.


One we don't talk about: because my ego will feel REALLY good if I get in.


Let's look at these reasons one at a time, shall we?


"BECAUSE I'M INTERESTED IN A SPECIFIC CAREER, AND A REALLY GOOD COLLEGE WILL HELP ME GET IT.


It's absolutely true that some colleges have very strong departments and will open doors for you after you graduate. Vanderbilt and Stanford are known as two of the best education universities in the country; and Massachusetts Institute of Technology may be the best engineering school in the world.


And for a student with unusual talent, the growthpossibilities at schools such as these are endless!


"I WANT TO BE AROUND SERIOUS STUDENTS OR PEOPLE WHO ARE FROM REALLY HIGH-POWERED FAMILIES."


Well, being a product of a middle class family and a graduate of public universities, I'm not sure I share the values that go along with that statement.


But those are MY values, and readers of this newsletter may not share what is important to me. It's true that on the AVERAGE, the more competitive the college, the more students will come from well-to-do famiies.


But like every other rule, this one was made to be broken. Bottom line: you will find every kind of student at every kind of school.


"I WANT TO GO TO A REALLY COMPETITIVE COLLEGE SO I CAN GET A GOOD JOB AFTER I GRADUATE."


A competitive college is NOT going to make you more marketable in the economic world anymore than driving an expensive car is going to make you a better driver.


In my career in education I've made lots of hiring decisions. I've turned down people from big ticket schools and hired people from public colleges. It's ALL about who and what you become, not where you go.


Going to the right school for you and learning and growing while you are there is what gets you in a good position after you graduate.


"I WANT TO GO TO A REALLY COMPETITIVE COLLEGE BECAUSE MY EGO WILL FEEL REALLY GOOD IF I GET IN."


Know what? I understand this line of thinking.


I don't agree with it, but I understand it.


Kids are taught to compete for everything since they are young. They're taught to compete to see who gets picked first for kickball.


They're taught to see who gets the best grade on the spelling test.


They're taught to see who makes the football team or cheerleading squad.


They're taught to see who has the best class rank.


And they're taught to try to get into the best college.


If you want to keep playing that game, it's your choice.


Just realize that it's a child's game and college is for people getting ready to be grown ups.


*****

Are your kids ready to succeed in the world beyond high school? Give them the best chance possible! "So, You Wanna Go To College..." gives them the info. AND mindset they need to control their own destiny! Check it out at http://www.lulu.com/content/139744

How To Help Your Kids ATTRACT Success
By Larry Hochman, The Guidance Guy
Pick up the WHOLE story at
http://www.lulu.com/content/139744

"Success is not something you chase or pursue. Success is something you attract by the person you become." - Jim Rohn.


The words of a network marketing and prosperity legend. Those of us in home business arena are probably familiar with the man, and almost certainly familiar with the concept he teaches.


One of the most important lessons anyone in direct sales learns at the early stages is that it isn't your title, or your position, or your pitch, or any of the external features that people gravitate towards...


It's You. If you're an attractive person, happy, excited and full of life force, people will move toward you.


Same is true in reverse. The strength of your advertising, or product, or marketing plan doesn't matter if people aren't attracted to you.


We know this, and most of us commit to living it.


So how come most of us aren't passing the same message along to our kids?


Having moved in both the worlds of public education (as a high school guidance counselor) and network marketing professional simultaneously for the past few years, I become involved in a lot of conversations with MLM families who have school age kids.


The number of famiies who want to know about the "right college" or the "right major" to enter is amazing. The clear message they send is that if they start out their careers with The Magic Diploma from the school with the right name, things will line up the right way for them.


Hello?


Nearly all guidance counselors can help a kid get into college, tell them how to do all the right things, get a degree and maybe even a fancy title.


But how do we help our kids become, happy, healthy prosperous citizens in the local and global marketplace?


For too long the idea has been to get our kids into the "right" college. Public and even private schools still buy into this model.


It's a broken model. Sadly, they either don't know it or are powerless before the idea.


In truth the idea of "go to the right college, get a good job is an industrial age holdover for parents who wanted something better for themselves than the factory job they had alongside their own parents.


And it's a phenomenon schools don't care about. They're not evaluated on the success and prosperity their graduates manifest. They're judeged by test scores, what percentage go to colleges, and less formally, the names of the places they go.


Those of us who were well schooled in the principles that make network marketers successful should be looking at things just a little bit differently for our kids.


What can we do to help our kids become more than just another rodent in "The Rat Race?" Here are a few starting points.


1. SIT DOWN with your high school age child and determine what they might like their lives to look like in a few years. Don't worry about what occupation they might pursue. Just see if they can develop a vision of a successful lifeSTYLE.


2. WORK BACKWARD. Talk with them about some of the things they will need to achieve in order to fulfill that vision. For some it may be a traditional college education. For others, it may be a different path altogether.


3. BUILD THE PERSON, NOT JUST THE RESUME. Many parents put a huge amount of pressure on their kids to perform their best in school. While good grades never hurt anyone, there are so many things are kids can do to become happy, forward thinking prosperous individuals NOW. Help them to cultivate a hobby or some other passion. Help them to start their own part time business, or charitable cause.


4. LIVE BY YOUR WORDS. It's not enough to preach prosperity and success. SHOW them success by being a role model of it. It doesn't matter your position in your company. Role model the kind of behavior you want them to take on for themselves.


There's an extraordinary opportunity for home business parents to help their kids participate in lifetimes of prosperity on their own terms.


If you can use the same desire for change that got you into the home business field in the first place, then instill that passion and courage in your children, the possibilities are unlimited!